things never to say during sex

• Is it in yet?
• (phone rings) Hello? Oh, nothing, and you?
• Do I have to pay for this?
• You look better in the dark.
• I thought that goes in the other hole...
• Hey! My mom has that same bra...
• I hope you don't expect a raise for this...
• Hurry up, the game is about to start.
• I've smoked bigger joints than that!
• ZzZzZz
• Are you trying to be funny?
• Can I have a ride home after this?
• Are those real?
• Is that smell coming from you?
• Haven't you ever done this before?
• Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
• You're so much like your sister....
• Your mom is really cute.
• What's your name again?
• Do I have to be here in the morning?
• A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
• But you just started!
• Don't touch that!
• Smile for the camera, honey!
• Get your hand out of there!
• I knew you wore a padded bra!
• Cover me boys, I'm going in!
• Hold on, let me change the channel...
• Hope you don't mind I left my boots on.
• Hurry up, the motor's runnin'.
• Stop breathing...you're fogging up the wind-shield.
• Stop interrupting me!
• It's okay, honey, I can imagine that it's bigger.
• God, I wish you were a real woman.
• Why can't you ever shave your legs?
• Your "happy trail" led me to a dead end.
• Don't make that face at me!
• How much do I owe you?
• How come we each have a penis?
• Just use your finger, its bigger.
• Does your family have to watch?
• We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
• Get off me, I'll do it myself!
• Can you hold this sandwich for me?
• Watch...my mom taught me this...
• Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
• Should I ask why you're bleeding?
• I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!
• Wanna see me take out my glass eye?
• Is it okay if I tell my friends about this?
• I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!
• You wanted me to use a condom?
• Fire in the hole!
• I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.
• I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock?
• Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
• You don't sweat much for a fat chick
• Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
• Is that your chest or an ironing board?
• Do you have a license for that?
• No, the blindfold is for me. The handcuffs are for you.
• Can you wash that real quick?
• Did you just shit on my leg?
• Stop playing. That was just a warm-up, right?
• Beige. We should paint the ceiling beige.
• WHAT?! I wouldn't even eat your cooking!
• Wow...that rash cream really worked!
• Look...shadow puppets!
• Do you mind if I start without you?
• No, I don't think 'naked' is your look.
• NEXT!!
• Does this come with instructions?
• You want me to go where?!
• Is it supposed to be that color?

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