11-05-2007, 13:54
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חבר מתאריך: 12.12.06
הודעות: 299
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HIDE and SEEk
HIDE and SEEk
I am sick and tired to play all those games…
Can’t you see I am not the same kid I was?? I can no longer be a child, I chose to grow up and I won’t be able to return! My little angel, we played hide and seek for much too long now…it is even not the fact that I am lost and couldn’t be found as it is the fact that I’ve lost you! To say those childish things again like ”I love you” will be too harmful for both me and you…My little guardian, you were there when I needed you the most But with all the love I share to you, I cannot promise I will be there for you the same way!
If I could get back in time and alter all the pain we’ve been trough I wouldn’t…Because even the scars in wounded heart won’t let me enough reasons to forget all the smiles we shared.
It is hard to admit it, but this little slip of a tongue like those stupid words “I Love you…” costs us too much suffer! I am Vulnerable more than you can ever imagine, I feel sometimes like a guinea pig, running in circles in the cage this love have built for me. My darling I am tired of playing those games, the childish laughs in my head abandoned me long ago, but I still can’t find you, where are you?! I still see you, I can fell your heart beating, I can sense your touch on my hands, but baby I am all alone and I believe too hard now that I’ve gone crazy…I’ve lost my sanity without you!
I am screaming from time to time, to let my voice spread into the atmosphere, just to let my hopes of you finding me rise up again…But the more it resurrect itself, the faster and harder it crashes on the ground again, I don’t want to believe my efforts are in vain but sometimes I just don’t have a choice!
The suffer I’ve been trough since I’ve closed my eyes, counted to ten and started to look up after you is insuperable. But I am not able to let it go, because the same way it is indispensable!
Mummy I have grown, I developed my own abilities to become adjusted to this environment. I have learned how to survive under impossible conditions. I found my strength in the loneliness and all the power I ever needed inside a simple pen, but no matter how strong I became, no matter what distance I’ve walked and what I have learned through, without you my baby I am even weaker than that child I was ages ago. Because the same child had something I think I will never get…He had you!
I don’t want to play no more, come out! Come out wherever you are! I admit it…I’ve lost! I don’t wish to play no more baby, I give up, please come out and show yourself…please I am begging you, I miss you, I am too weak now to go on. Come out mummy I want to go home…Where are you?!
I am too afraid all alone, I fear of forgetting you precious blue eyes, I fear of loosing memory of you and me.
Come out I can’t even hear you voice no longer, I prefer to be death.
If I won’t be able to see you again I prefer to go blind!
If your gentle hands won’t touch mine ever again, I chose to become numb forever!
I don’t need no air to breathe if your smell won’t reach my nose ever again!
If the taste of your lips is lost for me, I prefer never eat again!
And If those life chose for me that path I prefer to die…
Girl, I am tired of playing games…I never saw it before but I do realize it now
Without you in my life, even the most Perfect place will seem to me as hell!
Because there is no heaven for me if I am not able to share it with you…
I love you, I loved you all along, ever since I’ve closed my eyes
Until the moment you’ve opened them…
I see you now, clearly as the sky, beautiful like a field of thousands white roses,
shining like the sacred water and perfect like the god himself!
I see you my darling…
One’ two three…you count!
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