1.7.2008

In the first day on the holiday, my family and I were flying to Eilat.

When we came to the hotel, we go straight to the pool and started to play games in the water.

In the evening we went to the mall and I saw a very beautiful shoes and I bought them.

We came back to the hotel, and we went to the dining room and the food was so tasty.

After we ate so much we went to the room to sleep.

2.7.2008

It was a great night.

I slept very well, and when I woke up I go to the dining room to eat a breakfast.

We were going to the beach to dive with the beautiful fish.

In the noon, we came back to the hotel, to see a show of Eyal Golan in the pool; he is a very good singer.

In the afternoon we went to the IMAX, but I not enjoy, it is nice not more.

In the night I was saw a football game between FCB to visla krakov.

Barca was so great; it was a very good game.

3.7.2008

In the morning, we go to the desert, to drive on ATV, and it was so fun and crazy, I enjoyed with my family.

When we came back to the hotel, we go to the club med to transfer the day there.

It is the best hotel I have seen.

We came back to the hotel and we swam in the pool, with all the family.

In the night, my father friends were play poker.

4.7.2008

Yes, today it is my birthday, my father takes me to the reef, to swim with the dolphins, and this is amazing feeling.

I took a picture with the dolphins in the water.

It was the and of my trip in Eilat.

I came back to the hotel, to packed my suitcase; this is a trip that I don’t will forget it.

5.7.2008

We came back to the home, it is very nice to be at home, but I want to come back to Eilat.

Today we were gone to the amusement park; there was a very nice girl.

The way was so long, she took two hours.

Then we were going to the bed to sleep.

I was so tired in this they.

This is the end of my first week in the holiday.

אם יש טעות שאפשר לשנות אשמח שתשנו לי או תתקנו


תודה רבהה

די חשוב ליי

ציטוט:

במקור נכתב על ידי amos158 1.7.2008 On the first day of the holiday, my family and I flew to Eilat. When we came to the hotel, we went straight to the pool and started playing games in the water. In the evening we went the mall and I bought a very beautiful pair of shoes. We came back to the hotel, and we (subject "we" is not crucially needed) went to the dining room where we found very tasty food. After we had eaten so much we went to the room to get some sleep. 2.7.2008 It was a great night. I slept very well, and when I woke up I went to the dining room to eat some breakfast. We went to the beach to dive with the beautiful fish. At noon, we came back to the hotel in order to see a show of Eyal Golan in the pool; he is a very good singer. In the afternoon we went to the IMAX, but I didn't enjoy it. It was nice, but nothing more. At night, I saw a football game between FCB to visla krakov. Barca was so great; it was a very good game. 3.7.2008 In the morning, we went to the desert (comma not needed) in order to drive on an ATV, and it was so fun and crazy, I enjoyed with my family. When we came back to the hotel, we went to the club med in order to spend the day over there. It is the best hotel I have seen. We came back to the hotel and we (subject "we" is not crucially needed) swam in the pool, with all the family. At night, my father's friends played poker. (or, my father and his friends were playing poker all night) 4.7.2008 Yes, today it is my birthday, my father is taking me to the reef, so I will be able to/in order to swim with the dolphins, and this is going to be an amazing feeling. I have taken a picture with the dolphins in the water. It was the end of my trip in Eilat. I came back to the hotel, in order to pack my suitcase; this is a trip that I don’t will forget it. כל הקטע הזה לא ברור בכלל. הזמנים פה מעורבבים כל כך בצורה לא הגיונית. בהנחה שאתה כותב את זה בסוף היום... קבל הצעה: Yes, today I have celebrated my birthday. My father took me to the reef so I could swim with the dolphins. It was an amazing feeling, and I even took a picture of me with all the dolphins that live in the reef. This day was the last day of my trip to Eilat. I returned to the hotel in order to pack my suitcase and I knew I would never forget this trip. 5.7.2008 We came back home, and it was very good to be back even though I wanted to stay in Eilat. Today we went to the amusement park; there was a very nice girl. The way was so long, she took two hours. Then we were going to the bed to sleep. .I was so tired in this they אני לא ממש מבין את השלוש וחצי שורות האחורנות... This is the end of my first week in the holiday. אם יש טעות שאפשר לשנות אשמח שתשנו לי או תתקנו תודה רבהה די חשוב ליי

תיקנתי לך פה לדעתי את הדברים הכי חשובים... שים אליהם לב.
הרבה תיקונים שעשית לך פה (בעיקר של משפטים שלמים) הם כי אתה רושם משפטים ארוכים מידי ואולי לא יודע איך להתמודד איתם עדיין. אתה מערבב זמנים שונים במשפט אחד- מה שאסור באנגלית. אתה אמור לשמור על זמן אחד לאורך כל המשפט. אם אתה לא בטוח בעצמך אתה יכול לחלק את המשפט הגדול (מחובר/מורכב) לכמה משפטים פשוטים.