01-06-2008, 15:15
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חבר מתאריך: 01.08.05
הודעות: 12,641
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החסיד ודיילת...
Yossel is in London on business. It's now one hour to shabbos, and he's all dressed up in his shabbos clothes ready to go to a local shul. He takes the lift to the ground floor of his hotel and walks towards the exit. As he reaches the reception area, he sees a stunning British Airways hostess with blond hair and a face and figure he could die for.
She has just checked in. As soon as she sees Yossel, she stops in her tracks and walks quickly over to him.
"Hello," she says to him.
"Hello to you too," he says.
"I have a confession to make," she says.
"What is it?" he asks.
"I have a sexual fantasy," she says.
"Nu, so go on," he says.
"I've always wanted to be with a Hassidic man. I want to run my hands up and down his white silk socks, run my hands over his tzi tzis and my fingers through his beard, play with his peyess, eat kichel with him, poke my finger in his puppik, remove his gatkes, play with his shlong and then shtup. So I want you to join me now. I have a room upstairs just waiting for us. What do you say?"
Yossel looks at her thoughtfully and says............... "And what's in it for me?"
The New Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Classic : Books which people praise but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest ... except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor : person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
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"בניתי לי בית ונטעתי לי גן במקום זה שביקש האויב לגרשנו ממנו בניתי את ביתי, כנגד מקום המקדש בניתיו. כדי להעלות על ליבי תמיד את בית מחמדנו החרב...."
(ש"י עגנון - חתן פרס נובל)
אשרי אדם שיכול לתת מבלי לזכור זאת כל הזמן, ולקבל מבלי לשכוח אף פעם
לסלוח לרוצחים - זה תפקידו של האלוהים.
תפקידנו - זה לארגן להם פגישה
אנו לא בוכים, דואגים שאמהות שלהם יבכו
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