מחפש כל מי שלומד במגמת חנ"ג

אם כבר, הנה הגרסא המקורית, גם על מטוסי קרב באנגלית... לפי דעתי יותר מצחיק.

* Problem: "Smoke in cabin."
* Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days."

* Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)."
* Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day."

* Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail."
* Solution: "Use a real missile. Missile is a Cap9 (captive trainer)."

* Problem: "IFF Knob binding, hard to turn."
* Solution: "IFF 'push to turn' knob works correctly when pushed to turn."

* Problem: "Missile (AIM-9) wont track on the ground."
* Solution: "System fully operational, flightsuit insert inop (side stick controller)."

* Problem: "Missile (AIM-9) tone very weak, almost inaudible."
* Solution: "Turn up the volume."

* Problem: "Rear cockpit HUD repeter unviewable, looked like squiggly porn."
* Solution: "HBO ordered MICAP zero Ballance."

* Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
* Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

* Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
* Solution: "Evidence removed."

* Problem: "Target Radar hums."
* Solution: "Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics."

* Problem: "Number three engine missing."
* Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

* Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
* Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

* Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
* Solution: "Live bugs on order."

* Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
* Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

* Problem: "IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative."
* Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode"

* Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
* Solution: "That's what they're there for."

* Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
* Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

* Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
* Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

* Problem 1: "No. 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
* Solution 1: "No. 2 Propeller seepage normal."
* Problem 2: "No. 1, No. 3, and No. 4 propellers lack normal seepage."

* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
* Solution: "IT DOES NOW."

* Problem: "Roaches in galley."
* Solution: "Fed and watered roaches"

* Problem: "Laboratory mice loose in bag bin."
* Solution: "No cat this station."

* Problem: "Aircraft handles FUNNY."
* Solution: "Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious."

* Problem :"UHF does not work in OFFicial mode."
* Solution: " Found short between the headphones."

* Problem: "Anti Collision Strobe Intermitently on."
* Solution: "Removed and Replaced Side Stick Actuator."

* Problem: "Sounds like little man is beating on the bottom of the floor with a hammer."
* Solution: "Took hammer from man and made him promise not to do it again."

* Problem: "Bugs smashed on canopy."
* Solution: "Gave bugs coffee and told them to move along."

* Problem: "Crew door hard to close." (on a KC-135)
* Solution: "Green suit needs to up his weaties intake."

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