Guide To Banging Your Head Into A Wall
v 1.0, July, 2001
by Ryan Edward McCall for Semicolon Studios
Email: dethboy@ disinfo.net
Banging your head into a wall. What more important act could there be? (Keep in mind that the preceding was a rhetorical question) Yet, in all of gaming, there are no rules (that I’ve seen) for doing this. Well, no more. Presented here for the first time, for the head-into-wall-banger in all of us, is Ryan Edward McCall’s quick and easy Guide To Banging Your Head Into A Wall.
Part 1: Hitting the Wall.
The most important aspect of banging one’s head into a wall is, of course, the art of
actually hitting said wall. In order to do this, you must make an unarmed attack against the wall, with a +60 circumstance bonus. Suffice to say, if you miss, your character will be laughed at for years to come.
Part Two: After the Wall Has Been Designated As Being Hit.
Once you have figured out that you have hit the wall, you must then determine what the exact effect of hitting the wall was. To do this, roll 1d20, adding the result to your “Hitting Stuff With Yer Head” skill modifier. Then apply the total result to the table below:
Table One: Results of Hitting Your Head Against a Wall
1-3
You fall down backwards and are prone. Double damage.
4-12
You are staggered for 1d2 rounds. Normal damage.
13-17
No effect. Subdual damage rather than normal.
18-20+
No effect. Half of damage dealt is dealt to you, other half to wall.*
47
You are permanently transformed into a ferret. No Damage.
* Damage dealt to the wall is negated in cases of stone and strong metal walls.
Section C: Damage
To determine how much damage is dealt to you (or the wall, in some cases), reference the following table.
Table Two: Damage by Wall Type
Stone
1d8 + Strength modifier. Wall never takes damage.
Brick
1d8 + Strength modifier.
Metal (strong)
1d8 + Strength modifier. Wall never takes damage.
Metal (weak)
1d8 + Strength modifier.
Wood (strong)
1d6 + Strength modifier.
Wood (weak)
1d6 + Strength modifier. Wall takes an additional 1d2 damage.
Drywall
1d2 + Strength modifier. Wall takes an additional 2d8 damage.
Rubber
No damage. Just fun.
Sponge cake
You’ve got to be kidding me.
The damage listed in this table, unless otherwise noted, is the damage dealt to you. This is normal damage, unless your skill check gives you a 13-17, in which case it is subdual damage. Damage dealt to walls is never subdual damage, as it is very difficult to subdue a wall.
For every 12 points of damage done to you by a wall within one hour, you lose 1d2 temporary intelligence points. This lasts until you have rested for an eight-hour period of time.
Afterword
Well, there you go. I hope you’ve enjoyed this document as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. I also hope you will make banging your head into a wall a part of your roleplaying experience.
If you have comments or suggestions, don’t hesitate to contact me.
Most of all, I hope you realize that this is a work of humour, meant mainly to get a couple laughs, and perhaps to illustrate the versatility of certain roleplaying systems which I’m not allowed to refer to by name *cough cough*.
-Ryan Edward McCall
Neither Semicolon Studios nor Ryan Edward McCall take any responsibility for injuries suffered by people actually banging their heads into walls. Even if they intended to become ferrets.
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19-02-2005, 18:06
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