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כלי אשכול חפש באשכול זה



  #6  
ישן 15-10-2011, 20:52
צלמית המשתמש של צ'יבורשקה
  משתמשת נקבה צ'יבורשקה צ'יבורשקה אינו מחובר  
 
חבר מתאריך: 14.11.06
הודעות: 3,523
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בתגובה להודעה מספר 1 שנכתבה על ידי sheep שמתחילה ב "dump\זרוק 21"

CLIENT: We have looked at your PHP source code and I am a little upset.

ME: Why is that? What’s wrong?

CLIENT: You have used die(); everywhere, do you secretly want me to die?

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"…As far as the logo goes, I’m just looking for the name in a circle with some fire shit around it."

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Client’s Secretary: “Look, you seem to have a lot of talent, but I don’t think that we can use you because my boss clearly stated that we need someone who knows Adobo photoshop.”

Me: “I think you mean Adobe Photoshop…”

Client’s Secretary: ”No, there’s no such thing, and if there is, it’s really not the same software we’re using because I need .psd files that I can edit in my Adobo InDesign program.”

Me: “Well, I can promise that the kind of photoshop that I am using can produce .psd files that can be read by any Adobo product.”

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CLIENT: ”Your work is like a 4 yr old did it!”

Me: “Well.. you did request finger paint smears for the background.. Do you want me to make it look like a 5th grader did the smears instead?”

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CLIENT: “I don’t want to download it. Just give it to me over the phone.”

ME: “It’s a computer program, I can’t give it to you over the phone. I can mail you a DVD, or I can tell you how to safely download it over the internet.”

CLIENT: “Look, I’m not downloading anything, and I’m not getting off the phone until you give it to me.”

ME: “…Okay, do you have a pen and a piece of paper?”

CLIENT: “Hold on…Yup, go ahead!”

ME: “0 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 0 (continued saying random sequence for about 20 seconds)”

CLIENT: “Okay, I guess you can mail it to me.”


ועוד הרבה הרבה פה!
http://clientsfromhell.net/
_____________________________________
תמונה שהועלתה על ידי גולש באתר ולכן אין אנו יכולים לדעת מה היא מכילה


נערך לאחרונה ע"י צ'יבורשקה בתאריך 15-10-2011 בשעה 20:55.
תגובה ללא ציטוט תגובה עם ציטוט חזרה לפורום
  #28  
ישן 16-10-2011, 05:17
צלמית המשתמש של DeepSpace
  DeepSpace DeepSpace אינו מחובר  
 
חבר מתאריך: 23.09.03
הודעות: 11,954
בתגובה להודעה מספר 1 שנכתבה על ידי sheep שמתחילה ב "dump\זרוק 21"


[התמונה הבאה מגיעה מקישור שלא מתחיל ב https ולכן לא הוטמעה בדף כדי לשמור על https תקין: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/353486_460s_v2.jpg]



[התמונה הבאה מגיעה מקישור שלא מתחיל ב https ולכן לא הוטמעה בדף כדי לשמור על https תקין: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/355503_460s_v1.jpg]



[התמונה הבאה מגיעה מקישור שלא מתחיל ב https ולכן לא הוטמעה בדף כדי לשמור על https תקין: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/351754_460s.jpg]



[התמונה הבאה מגיעה מקישור שלא מתחיל ב https ולכן לא הוטמעה בדף כדי לשמור על https תקין: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/359445_460s.jpg]
_____________________________________
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rick Cook

תגובה ללא ציטוט תגובה עם ציטוט חזרה לפורום
  #56  
ישן 17-10-2011, 17:55
צלמית המשתמש של Gumble
  משתמש זכר Gumble Gumble אינו מחובר  
 
חבר מתאריך: 27.06.08
הודעות: 3,441
זה לא סיכום אבל לפחות אפשר לקרוא את זה
בתגובה להודעה מספר 55 שנכתבה על ידי ronkaa שמתחילה ב "סיכום בבקשה. נישמע לי מוזר..."

ציטוט:
Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat.

Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear - Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.


_____________________________________


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